


December Nights

by Hayato (TheLennyBunny)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, LGBTQ Themes, Nyotalia, hetalia fic in the year of our lord 2018 what am i doing, this is a wip i abandoned four years ago and decided to try and stitch together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 20:26:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14576976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLennyBunny/pseuds/Hayato
Summary: Alfred wakes up, blearily blinking at the sun in his eyes.He regrets looking down.





	December Nights

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahahhaa so this is something from my like... somphomore year of high school i think? i had maybe six pages and no clear way to end it, and wasnt feeling greAt at the time- this was right before i came out, no wonder writing this made me feel bad- so i just let it decay in my gotdamn docs for half a decade  
> but i still sorta like the concept so i rehashed it to where it was tolerable to me  
> so here u go

Alfred, who was  _ Alfred  _ today and could revel in it, couldn’t have anyone take this small holiday away from him, woke up to the sun shining in his eyes. He squinted, shoving his face into the pillow and wondering how long he had before he had to get up, start preparing for the new years’ celebration. Idly, he turned over onto his stomach, sighing at the cushioning of his pillow. It was smaller than usual, and softer to boot.

_ …? _

He pat the bed underneath him. No pillow. Sat up and blearily blinked down at the sheets, felt something strange on his chest. 

He looked down.

* * *

Arthur was irritated when he called, snappish and talking about some meeting with parliament but it wasn’t important it didn’t matter as much as  _ this  _ the  _ wrongness god why how no- _

“ _ -told you days ago- _ ”

“Artie, I really don’t care about your fff- _ ucking  _ meeting okay can you just come over, please, I-” He cut himself off, stared in the mirror and tried not to hyperventilate, couldn’t look away. Curves, softened muscle, curls falling around his ears- he closed his eyes and breathed shakily out through his nose. “Arthur,  _ please _ .”

“ _ Alfred, I can’t- no, Your Majesty, it’s simply a close friend of mine, nothing to worry about- Alfred, look, I can’t just skip to the states at your beck and call, especially not when the yearly gathering is in a few days, anyway. _ ” Alfred flinched, listened to him rustle on the other side of the phone and talk to someone, hand over the speaker. “ _ Look, I’ll see you when I can, yes? Until then, just keep yourself together.”  _ With that, the call cut off, screen flashing with  _ Call Ended. _

Alfred stared at it numbly, blinking slowly, before glancing back up and cringing. He turned away from the mirror, clumsily grabbing a towel from the shower and wrapping it around himself.

What could he do, now? Arthur was- they’d had their fights, their feuds, but he was the first to  _ find  _ Alfred, the one to raise him, teach him, and if he couldn’t turn to him-

The phone vibrated, and Alfred jumped, glancing at the message notification. Some image from Kiku, probably another meme from the chaotic mess that was their game nights. He thumbed the message, scrolling through their history.

He pressed call.

* * *

Alfred was sobbing over the phone, finally breaking down because Kiku  _ listened,  _ didn’t wave him off just because he could be airheaded or boorish and he could panic, knew it would be heard, and he almost screamed when the call dropped until one of the Persona Division agents called and said the Personification of Japan was requesting permission to enter U.S. territory.

He got out an affirmative, voice barely keeping even, and curled up on the floor the moment he hung up. It could have been hours, days until there was anything else, signs of existence outside his bubble. 

* * *

The doorbell rang.

Alfred sat up, towel wrapped tight around him, and grimaced. He- even if he threw on clothes, his body would be- obvious to anyone who looked at him. He didn’t want to leave the bathroom.

From here, he could hear the doorknob jiggling, and the sound of something clicking before the door was carefully pushed open. A voice murmured something, shuffling around, before Kiku called out, “Alfred?”

He breathed out shakily. “Ki-”  _ Too high too breathy no- _ He cut himself off, curled inward and listened to Kiku move through the house, closer and closer before he was in the doorway. There was a noise of alarm, before Kiku was carefully kneeling in front of him, hands folded in his lap. He pointedly didn’t touch Alfred as he looked the blond over, taking in what little was visible.

“You said this happened this morning?” He asked quietly. Alfred nodded miserably. Kiku sighed, shaking his head. “Alfred. Before we continue, I wish to show you something.”

Alfred glanced up, and watched the other take a deep breath, eyes shut and face tense. Slowly, his hair lengthened, and his jaw softened, shoulders losing some of their width. Slowly, his chest  _ pushed out. _

Kiku blinked his eyes open and smiled awkwardly at Alfred’s gaping. 

“...Kiku.”

Kiku shifted back, breathed out, and smoothed down the front of his suit. “Why don’t I explain now, Alfred?”

* * *

Nations were dualities existing in one being. Old, older than the trees and mountains for some, yet appearing so young. Strong, able to hurl twice their weight when necessary, yet so often so frail-looking.

Stolid, unchanging, yet capable of fluidity.

“Wang was... less than helpful with it.” Kiku’s tone was flat, face twitching as he recalled the incident. At some point, they had moved from the bathroom to the kitchen, Alfred wrapped in a bathrobe and blanket while Kiku made something edible out of what was in his fridge. “I believed he explained it as... balancing, in a way. We are our people, and our people are not one thing, is the best way to put it.” He paused, shifting in his seat. “It is very involuntary at first, until one gathers control over it.”

Alfred stared at his mug. “So.... Everyone can do this? Not just me and you?” 

“I have seen Heracles and Sadik as such, so it is an accurate surmisation.” Ah, he was definitely uncomfortable at this point. Alfred had a feeling he knew just when the other nation had seen them and didn’t press the issue. He leaned back, digesting it all. Why hadn’t he been told this before, he wondered?

Well. Maybe Arthur  _ had  _ planned to, but Alfred had… split away too soon for him to. Alfred grimaced and pushed away that thought. It wasn’t something to dwell on.

“How do I turn back, then?”

Kiku didn’t answer for a time, keeping his back to Alfred as he pushed eggs around a pan. Finally, as he turned to ladle them on a plate, he answered, “It takes time. One must be able to meditate and consciously incite it. It took me weeks to change back, my first experience.”

Alfred sunk into his seat. 

_ Fuck. _

* * *

Kiku stayed over, citing jet fuel and convenience, worry over Alfred’s health. Alfred pretended not to see his worried glances as he ghosted around the house and tried to figure out just how one began  _ meditation. _

* * *

Alfred swore and resisted the urge to throw his controller at the screen, glaring at Kiku as the respawn menu popped up on his side. The other ignored him, hunting after other players. He sighed and stretched, checking his phone again. No texts. Hopefully the courier would be here soon- the sooner he could flatten this.  _ Mess _ , the better off he would be.

He stood, scratching at his hair, grimacing when a few strands came loose. He’d have to take a shower once they took a longer break. Another thing to put out of mind.

“Do you want anything from the fridge?.” Kiku shook his head absently so Alfred wandered off to the kitchen. He was filling two glasses with as much energy drink as he safely could when the doorbell rang again. He blinked, cocking his head. Huh. He’d have thought the text would come first. Maybe the dude just forgot?

He hummed as he hurried to the door, making sure the scarf round his chest was secure- a stopgap measure for any visitors- and grabbing a pen from the nearby table. He opened the door, strained smile on his face and thumb clicking away at the pen.

Arthur dropped the box he had been holding and made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

* * *

The glasses were sitting abandoned on the counter, visible from his spot in the living room. Alfred fidgeted and wished he could pick one of them up, sip at it, have  _ something  _ to do with his hands so he wasn’t sitting here like some dead fish.

He wished he had more than a goddamn scarf and bathrobe on.

“Was this what.. what you were calling me about earlier, Alfred?” Arthur asked from the doorway, resolutely staring at Alfred’s ear. The younger country gave him a flat look that garnered a sigh. “Right, yes, of course it was. Are- are you faring well? Not- maybe uncomfortable, feeling squeamish, disconnected?”   
“Arthur, I’ve got bags on my chest and an innie where I had an outie not a day ago. What the hell _else_ would I be?” Arthur hesitated, eyes wandering around the room. They still avoided landing on him and Kiku.

“According to one of Ludwig’s drunken rambles, the moment his brother switched for the first time, he spent two weeks locked in his chambers until it passed. Hasn’t turned since. But others like France have had- virtually no issues with the ability. So I thought it prudent to ask.” Alfred swallowed and drew his knees to his chest, trying to process how Francis could be  _ alright  _ with that... Each to their own, he guessed.

Arthur glanced at his face and sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“I am so sorry, Alfred, I should have realised something was wrong when you called- you’re far from that much of an arsehole to call for something like soda or because you had a nightmare, these days-”

“Oh,  _ fuck off _ , Arthur, I don’t get how you’re still hung up on that-”

“-And you never willingly rise before midday during the hols. I should have known.”   
“Is- do you know any way to get me back to normal, then? Kiku suggested meditating, but he also said it could take weeks, and I-” _Don’t want to be stuck like this for that long._

Kiku cleared his throat, speaking up for the first time. “I’ve heard it may vary depending on region. It was particularly long for both Wang and I, so maybe-”

“No,” Arthur interrupted, shaking his head, “It’s got no pattern in Europe. Mine lasted a week and a half, while the Vargas twins went for almost a year, and France half a day. It’s damn near nonsensical.”

“Well, how did you do it then? Change back?”

Arthur’s eyes snapped to him, finally meeting his stare. The brit’s mouth opened and closed and he progressively reddened, making Alfred’s brows climb.

“Er- that is-”

“What? Did you go out and screw someone? Bathe yourself in the blood of men? Eat a bull p-”

“Mary and Joseph,  _ shut up _ , Alfred.” He groaned, dragging a hand over his face. “The- first one. France and I got drunk, and I woke up reversed the next morning.”

Alfred stared at him blankly.

“I don’t think I can do that.”

“It seems to depend on the person, anyways. What will work for me wouldn’t work for you.” Arthur smiled at him, looking less than awkward for the first time in an hour. “So we’ll simply need to figure out what does.”

* * *

Alfred sucked in a breath and winced at the new construction, looking at himself in the mirror. He twisted this way and that, marvelling at his now nearly-flat chest; like this, it looked as though it was muscle, wiry and compact.

Alfred breathed out shakily and hope it would be enough, with the suit and haircut, to keep question to a minimum tonight.

* * *

The drive out to the center of the city was quiet, Arthur wrapped up in his own thoughts and Kiku disinclined to chat. Alfred sat next to the window and watched lights and buildings pass by, people walking down the street and into bars, ready to party until the clock struck midnight.

Their own party, when they got their, was already loud and roaring. Alfred could see a broken window and a stool on the sidewalk, and twitched at the thought of how much property damage he would be paying for this year. 

When they walked in, he was hit with the noise of what might have been a dubstep version of Bohemian Rhapsody. He could see Gilbert downing shots by the bar, and the Italy brothers dealing what looked like a poker game in a corner.

“Jones, there you are! Man, where the hell have you been, it’s been kicking for over an hour!” Alfred grimaced at Maria, arm slung over his shoulder and face grinning inches from his. She blinked and peered at him, poking his cheek with a finger. “Hey, did you put on makeup? You look prettier than usual.”

Alfred grinned and not-so-gently pushed her away. “Who cares about that- Where’s the good booze?”

* * *

Alfred blinked woozily, tried to remember when he had reached this point and couldn’t. Mattie had him by one shoulder, leaning half on him, while Arthur was on his other side, singing like a dying bird. He ignored them both as they stumbled along, trying to reach the spot they’d left the car. Hopefully. He couldn’t really read street signs at the moment to make sure it was the right direction.

He grunted as they stepped out into the road, lurching across the crosswalk. There was something humming in the back of his brain, telling him to pay attention and be alert,  _ blaring. _  The last time something had messed with his head this bad, he found out a harbor had been bombed. Blearily, he lifted his head and looked around, just in time to see the light across the road glow red, a car come speeding down the road headed right for them. He had seconds to act. Two people on his shoulders and only one probably sober enough to dodge. 

Of course he was going to act the part of the hero.

Arthur and Mattie were thrown forward, screaming, and Alfred was sent flying, gasping as the car collided with him.

Everything went dark.

* * *

Alfred blinked awake to the sound of arguing and flashing lights. He sat up, blinking as a woman in blue yelped and leaned away.

“You- you’re awake?” He blinked at the seeming non-sequitur, before everything finally clicked into place. Blue uniforms, flashing lights, Arthur arguing with someone- they’re were paramedics. Someone must have called them after he was hit.

“Look, we can’t just release him into your care- he was hit head-on by that car, there has to be concussive damage at the very  _ least- _ ”

“Yo! I’m fine, I promise. We don’t need help, sir.” The paramedic jumped at his voice, jaw dropping as they looked at him. Alfred only grinned cheerily, doing a twirl. Arthur muttered something about showing off, the asshole.

“You- How are you up and moving?”

“My family’s hardy. And can’t afford a hospital visit, especially one I don’t need.” He looked around exaggeratedly at the bystanders, taking in cocktail dresses and beer bottles. “And really, are you gonna trust the sober dude walking and talking or the people already a few bottles in?”

If there was one great thing about being a Nation, it was the healing. With a perfect vital check and sound mind, they had no reason to stick around, especially considering their witnesses were… less than reputable. Alfred waved them off as they drove off to whatever emergency was calling their attention now, raising an eyebrow when he saw the car idling half a block away behind them.

“Matthew went and got it while you were being a complete berk.” Arthur eyed him as they slipped into the backseat, Kiku peering at them from the driver’s mirror. “You’ve also turned back, you know.”

Alfred straightened, finally taking stock of his body, and  _ oh,  _ he hadn’t realised- at some point between the accident and now, he’d slipped back to his normal self. No wonder it was hard to breathe.

Ten awkward and mildly painful minutes later, he was sighing in relief and staring down at his chest, defined, flat,  _ him. _

“Do you think it was the accident?” Arthur grimaced, glancing at him then the others. He gave a small, helpless shrug.

“Maybe? I couldn’t say. You know how pissed I was before you  _ threw us _ .”

Alfred snorted, leaned back and laughed because of  _ course  _ he would focus on that, out of him saving their asses from having to deal with the hospital and panicked humans. And then that laughing turned hysterical, because  _ goddamnit  _ he’d been terrified, worried that he’d not see himself for months, and apparently all it took was getting his shit slammed by a car.

He hiccuped and leaned against the window, closing his eyes. The lights of New Years’ celebrations shown through his lids, and he wondered at the strange ways of welcoming in the new year.

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me bih >> thelennystorm.tumblr.com


End file.
